Mindfully Blooming

  ‘I’m fine. I’d been saying that for so long that it was a subconscious impulse. I got this. I not only said it to everyone around me, but to myself. Did I actually believe it? And how often had it been true? I’m fine was a mask I had become so comfortable wearing that I'd long forgotten I was still hiding behind it. And that’s what I was doing. Hiding. Hiding the parts of me that were weak, and vulnerable, driven by a potent cocktail of fear and shame.’  Claire Nelson, Things I Learned from Falling ~ I’m fine. I am okay. Countless times I’ve said those words without really wanting to put the mask away. I was not fine, I was not okay but I thought the pressure was less if I hid the truth away. But what was the truth? The truth was I could no longer carry on, I could no longer vividly and genuinely smile a true, big smile without feeling that it was tinted with sadness and anguish, overwhelment and hopelessness. But people could not see because that was not me, surely. I was a...

  'The fog mirrored her state of mind so perfectly she felt as if she were walking through her own brain: a haze of formless, pervasive emotion, nothing she could grasp, but full of looming thoughts that appeared from nowhere, startling her, then receded into whiteness again before she was even sure what she had seen.' Little Fires Everywhere ~ In the uncertainty of it all We can return to our breath, To our soul.  Sometimes we forget that which is nothing But straight:  To breathe is to live,  To live is to breathe. Let thoughts and threats  Vanish away,  Let the light in, Breathe again.  ~ My breath is my anchor I ground through my breath, I inhale the peace I exhale the shame.  When all is dark My breath is there, It hears my prayers, It makes me aware.  ~ I don't let go,  I forever hold on  To my breath And the beating of my soul    That makes me smile,  That helps me breathe,  That reassures me it'll all pas...

'The only failure is not learning from experience.' Sahara Rose, Discover Your Dharma For longer than I'd like to admit, I didn't feel 'pretty.' Pretty can have such a superficial undertone but that is a popular term that is still nowadays ubiquitously used to define people's appearance, mostly women. In all honesty, I used my physical appearance as a compass for beauty and though I wasn't a shallow person, I still couldn't fully embrace myself for who I was on the whole. For many years I felt different because of my many, unique physical qualities: ptosis on my left eyelid together with a different eye colour and excess pigmentation (all on the same eye!); plus uneven ears, 'bended' middle fingers (on both hands) and my hairy arms, legs and armpits due to my borderline anorexia back in my early teens. For years I felt less than and, definitely, not good enough and it was exhausting .  Being bombarded by neverending, outer opinions and unca...

Sometimes I wonder how it would've been  If life had continued its 'normal' scene:  No global pandemic, no loss of us time,  No masks, no queues, no loss of hugs. But maybe there was a lesson in this throughout And that was to be patient and trust, just trust That everything would unfold in its beautiful, unique time And that the sun would shine brighter for us. Sometimes I feel we've missed out on so much But maybe we were meant to go through mud To learn how strong our relationship was,  To learn to be grateful for what we had. There was loss. There were gains. There were tears but there was also strength. Trust, just trust that we graciously are Where we're meant to be At this point in time.  Yes, it's been sad, frustrating, undeniably lonely at times But it's taught us a lesson, hasn't it love?   

  So grateful for the blissful Serendipity of us, I am sure the universe  Is smiling a wide smile. It feels like we crossed paths  In another life,  If not How to explain the magic between us? I fear sometimes But I trust that it is the right time, Nothing is wasted, we learn all the time.  Eager about so many things  But I trust in the now. Do not despair Only breathe in the love. 

  Loss. I've experienced it. Too deeply. Too many times.  I am surrounded by it. We are surrounded by it.  Loss is ubiquitous. Loss hurts. I know...  But loss is part of life. Maybe loss's main purpose is to remind us to be grateful for life and to enjoy, to be happy, to breathe. Loss encourages us to take inventory of how we live because we never know when we are going to experience it.  We should not condemn loss for as we lose things or, infinitely and most importantly, people loss reminds us to cherish the certainty that at least we had the pure privilege, the undeniable honour of knowing them, their essence, their quirks, their smiles.  Loss teaches us not to take anything for granted, to give thanks when we catch ourselves spirilling down and losing sight of what actually matters.  Love matters, joy matters, health matters.  The rest comes and goes. Once we understand that, we are undeniably more open to such deep, healing gratitude that...

'We so deeply fear the space between the inhale and the exhale that we live in hyperventilation, without understanding that it is only when we pause that we truly breathe.' Sahara Rose, Discover your Dharma   In, looking out. T rapped w ithin the boundaries Of my fearful mind.  But time goes by And I am tired of l osing life. Things happen, tears roll down. We have to be brave, face e very shade of life.  No more fear, o nly light. C alled to live with a n open heart. We might stumble, we might fall and cry but  Our life-giving breath will always help us through the dark. My breath, my love,  I'm here, right now. I pause. I smile.  I trust. I allow. I flow with my song,  I rejoice in the Om . I no longer fear,  I do not despair, I follow the voice,  I embrace my own. Every breath i n every cell m akes me choose again. A breath is what i t takes t o be b orn again. Learn -with each breath- t o emerge again. Rejoice in the deep, nourishing inha...

'This is what infinity looks like, she thought.'  Everything I Never Told You (Celeste Ng) The door, your smile Our hug, our hearts.  Every time I see you, Life is bright.  Riding the blues Never lasts when it's You, Me, Us.  You whisper to my heart that  Everything is alright. I trust, I listen,  I hug you,  It's bright.  We walk, we talk,  We laugh, we hug; We listen, we dance. Everything is alright. You hold me tight.  Life is bright.    In the intertwinement of our hands  I find the peace that helps me breathe Alive.