Mindfully Blooming

  You have that way  To lovingly make me smile, How lucky am I to walk by your side? I get lost in your gaze, in the purity of your eyes, In the ease of us being and the holding of hands. How I love to dance while we cook at night.  How I love to together laugh out loud. How I love the passionate connection, the chemistry of our bodies and hearts. How I love our friendship, Raw, genuine and full of love. Fascinating to me how natural it is to be us . I chose you that day, You made me feel alive. I'll keep choosing you for the rest of my life, We'll grow, we'll face the challenges; We'll share the blessings to come, Always with the certainty that the universe Magically crossed our paths. We'll keep moving forward,  We'll keep learning from each other's acts, We'll keep choosing to love each other, And be gracious with our own hearts While we lovingly hold hands,  While we hug each other tight. 

Shook to my deepest, darkest core, It instantly broke my heart: The omnipotence of the uniformed  And someone crying for his mum. Too hard to understand how  Some can carry so much hate inside.  Losing angels with wide wings, Justice, there has to be,  Life like this cannot persist.  When did he stop being human?  When did he start being black?  Why did some think  They could beat his life? Extinguish his light? Steal his humanity  And abuse him like that?  Justice, there has to be,  Life like this cannot persist.  A cloud of dishonour descended on that deadly traffic light,  Your pure light started to lose its shine. The harrowing dehumanisation  Of someone who was a son, a dad; The fist-bumps of five heinous monsters Who never gave you a chance.  Justice, there has to be,  Life like this cannot persist.  May there be justice, May there be light, May monsters transmute their darkness, May hate never ta...

In the tick of a moment It was time to realise That a s ' comfortable ' as I was in my head, The only place where I could fully expand Was in the magic of body, soul and mind;  In the amalgamation of all of who I was.  I could no longer only exist in my mind, It was shrivelling me up, No longer blooming because I lived in fear and anxiety Of the future and the past. What was the point of living like that? I was slowly vanishing into the nothing around. Had to get out, had to move, Think outside the box And try different truths;  Connect myself deeply t o how I felt,  Push the overthinking away And live in all the colours of  m y sacred self.  I had to embrace the flaws Of my perfect self I had to come to terms  With the darker hues and shades Embrace the beauty of the glorious Kaleidoscopic self. 

  The hours I spend Trapped in my mind, Twirling around and around, Stuck in a loop of endless rewinds. Wasting time, same thoughts on repeat,  Analysing different viewpoints Until I reach an exhaustion peak. Relentless and never-ending,  It's driving me mad; Have to pause and slow down,  To stop the unfiltered dialogues of my mind.  Overthinking, always.  Hard to stop. Though I know it takes me nowhere, I cannot let go of this toxic vice.  Slowing d own Pausing m y mind The traffic jam  Of the thoughts above Need to stop. Stop right now. ~ I do have the power To change and to overcome, To create new habits, To nudge my mind when it Gets stubbornly stuck.  Do not give up, you are stronger Than your untamed mind;  Trust your instinct,  It'll guide you right. 

  In the blur of one breath Life changed, I understood the purpose Of all my yesterdays. I had heard it at points But I could never really  Comprehend The purpose of life was to be  happy in my whole self,  To honour my essence and  Help others along the way.  Overcomplicated it at times, I thought there was something behind that  But I couldn't deny it,  felt right in my heart.  Simple truth but  pursued much more,  I thought I had to arrive somewhere shiny new. After chasing, pushing and achieving ad infinitum I thought it had to be a grandiose thing. But I realised It was a sweet, simple truth.

  No wasted time,  Only growth and wisdom. You felt stuck, misunderstood and left aside But you knew it'd all help you expand.  Hard, I know, being a human alive,  Painful and challenging enough But how could we learn some lessons  If not through the beauty of the pain  Of being fully alive? At times we learn the most and gain  The most clarity when We go through the most excruciating  Obstacles in our lives, like  The loss of someone you love. But there is deep, extraordinary beauty  In the world we inhabit, dear one. You'll mourn for years But one day you'll see a robin Perched on your window, Staring into your eyes for magical seconds And you'll smile and cradle your heart,  Reassuringly understanding  That there is a reason why. 

  Let the stars conceal t he sky’s darkness And the souls in the ether  brightly shine. Let me find peace i n that sighting, Let my tears release the  sadness inside. In those hours of anguish I’ll unavoidable c ry a smile, I’ll thank the universe You were on my path And hug you i n my dreams Before you say goodnight.

Oftentimes I wonder How you feel about us, Do you see a future together?  Or is it all just in my mind?  Do we commit further?  Do we have a child?  Dreams...Only dreams?  Or do you feel that way about us?  Struggle deeply  To understand your mind,  Sometimes I'm in darkness, Cannot face the lack of light; Challenging to accept  That you might never openly Speak your mind. You're who you are  -And deeply love you as such- But sometimes the lack of words  Scars my vulnerable heart. 

Nothing I ever do  Makes me feel I've reached deep inside of you; Towering wall forever up, Guard dogs silently keeping watch.   Together for more than a while And yet I often feel you'll never allow me To have a real look deep inside. What am I doing to my hopeful heart?  Standing at arm's length, Every time I hug you  You gently push me away. The butterflies have long lost  Their shimmering, bright light; They scaredly fly around wondering  What might happen overnight. Whether you'll decide to keep me in your past Or hold hands in the future of us. Will you crush my heart?  Will it hold the weight of all the things I've been carrying around?  Will we ever cross to the fearless side? 

  Mourning a loss I haven't had In the dark tomorrow, Heartbeat slowing down.  Imagining the worst, No air in my lungs, Falling deep down, Engulfed by the shadows and the dark. How to explain to my brain That there is nothing to worry about? Stuck in a toxic cycle that  I must overcome. 

If you're feeling lost,  Don't give up;  You're always truly being guided Thought you might not remember it at the time. You might feel lonely, you might feel like an outcast But you're never alone, always surrounded by light.  Amidst the downfalls of your soul And the darkness of the many voids, You might think that you've lost your mind; Your heart will heavily weep, you'll believe the  Shadows of the night.  But don't forget,  You are miraculous love and light. 

  I fell. I got up. The storm was passing by. Got knocked off my feet. I determinedly stood up. The winds were strong, the demons wouldn't let me alone. The fog, blinding and engulfing me, Made me feel momentarily weak. But I would not let it conquer my soul. I was determined to be wild and free. Tall, I stood.  Proud of my soul; Wouldn't easily let go of My dreams and my hopes.  I'd try my hardest  To protect my core,  My essence, strength and beliefs Would always guide me home. 

And in the wake of your awareness, In the shedding of the layers,  Your soul will beam and rejoice in  Your newfound perspective; You'll remember your worth, Your uniqueness will glow, You'll reassure yourself  That it'll all divinely unfold. When you're ready,  You will know,  You'll relinquish control; You'll allow yourself to flow And stronger grow.  Be patient though,  You might get frustrated  But it'll all divinely unfold; Perfection doesn't exist But this awareness  Will set you wild and free. 

Tiny steps towards your dreams, Keep taking them and just breathe. You'll be alright, you do know that Because you believe in yourself Even when your soul cries. Carry on and do not give up,  Neither tears nor hiding in your shell Are a sign of a weak heart,  You are only human  And sometimes we all need time and a hug.  Do believe that you're being guided  And smiled at from magical afar; No interference, only supportive, divine love That will forever flow in your life.  Keep taking those tiny steps And create the life you want  To gloriously embrace. 

  Tears roll down my cheeks, The pent up anxiety that doesn't let me breathe;  Salty jewels that mirror how I feel, Losing myself within the fear beneath. Thought the demons would be at ease, I guess they decided it was time to feast. Surfacing up, loud they are; they roar  I've starved them long enough.  I knew they wouldn't have left me for good But I just thought I was fine enough .  I know they're a reminder Of what I can't quite yet say, Wish I could leave now  And never look back again.  But the time is not quite right Must be sensible  And wait for the right time; In the long meantime,  I keep dying a little bit more inside.  A failure in my own eyes, Can barely practise what I preach; Easier to help others than Take my own leap.  But patient I must be And deeply kind to my own soul; Don't want to tear my own head Rather shine like gold.

  When your soul is weeping When you feel confused and lost When all is dark And you can't find your voice; When you find it hard to breathe When you lose your flow When you feel empty inside And you feel like giving up; When you feel you're stranded alone In the claws of the darkest ghosts, The ones that tell you you aren't good enough to step outside and share your voice, Know, please know That it will all eventually pass, That you're stronger than those demons Inside your mind, that your resilience is something To loudly clap and that you are being guided Though sometimes it just slips your mind.  Eventually it shall all  pass And you'll have the strength  To smile broadly bright. 

  The ground was frozen She stood still Immobile like the soil beneath  She could barely speak. Vanishing and drifting away But still physically there She could not bear to go through  That emptiness again.  No one understood her  Alone she felt Like everyone was heading somewhere Except she didn't know where.  Looking around her  She felt anger, frustration and pain She did not want to let fear Rule her life again.  Stagnant and stuck She wanted to move forward again To gain clarity and feel determined Like she'd felt in the brighter yesterdays.