Mindfully Blooming

When the last leaf dropped  I could finally let go,  It'd been a heavy journey  And I could now finally breathe. Assumptions, expectations, past identities,  They all left me the instant I  realised I was more than all the once cosy Layers I'd put on. Out of  Fear of being cold or just because  They looked warm, I held on to These unnecessary garments even when Summer was in full swing and hot. But on a random November afternoon,  With icy wind and under the g lare of the clouds, I felt it  was time to put it all down.  The yellow leaf dropped,  The towering tree bare now stood  But it only meant one thing: A new beginning in the fresh Autumn air. 

I had seen the sky before it was  And I knew it would all burn down to the ground;  The sky would turn pink but it'd melt red that night.  I'd hear screaming but I wouldn't be able to see; The smoke would paralyse me, then make me flee. I knew that I'd save many but not that night,  I had to save myself and ignore the voices in my mind. In time I realised the whispers were coming from up there though, No one else around; The bonfire I'd created would consume and burn down  Without my tired soul this time.  The shadows I'd created would no longer Follow me stubbornly around, I'd drop them dead as the flames danced around; They'd be buried with my past life  And a new phoenix would rise up to freely fly. 

Tight chest, knot in my throat,  Tiptoeing around our future I drove as you speechlessly froze.   The breathtaking autumn colours consoled me, I knew the trees were shedding their heaviness And, as I spoke, so was I.  The tears, I released as I quietly sobbed In the bath under the lunar eclipse, Covering my mouth so you  Wouldn't hear my pain; I felt the sharp shards penetrate my chest Under the night sky's gaze.  A whole new day and yet no single word.  A whole herd of elephants stood in the middle  Of the cold kitchen as we made lunch.  The unspoken words were like daggers Constantly twisting in my insides,  I couldn't really look you in the eye And kept having to bite my tongue.  I ancestrally ached, wondered if I was  Carrying part of my ancestors' unshed tears And maybe even your pain as well.  But Hope never left my side because I saw your love, your gentleness,  Your kindness; I saw your love was Bigger than words c...

  To live is to openly embrace all the experiences With a curious eye, mind and heart; To breathe the sweet air of the rose, jasmine and honeysuckle In the abundant green; To welcome sweet blessings and bitter but crucial lessons;  To know when it is time to welcome love and also to let go.  To wake up in the morning with an open heart, To savour the seasons of our lives; To hug your partner a thousand and more infinite times; To hold, to release, to embrace, to let go.    To be, to inhale, to pause, to exhale.  And to keep doing that until  Your soul fully, orgasmically expands. 

 I closed my eyes and I could eventually see, It'd all been a dream running away from me. I knew I'd rise again, I knew I could face the pain But it broke my heart and I just couldn't breathe.  It took some time to open my eyes, The light was blinding and I'd forgotten how to blink Or see colours alive but, in patient time, I allowed myself to let colours flood me, I allowed myself To breathe the sweet air in and just be. It all made sense in time: I was here to grow and expand however  Excruciatingly painful the ride.  I also knew that life was a blessing  And I only needed to keep an open, grateful heart.