Mindfully Blooming

After a thousand lifetimes She walked her human life again, She'd always felt a certain heaviness But didn't recognise the pain. Lifetime after lifetime Her soul had learnt That love was the only  True, pure answer to  Humanity's heartbreaking pain. She thought she was different,  She'd naively thought she could  push pass the deep darkness and Deceive the demons that were like unwanted stains. But in time she realised she couldn't evade the lessons, Only walk through the confusing, scary and overwhelming maze. Why? Why? Why?  She kept asking for many lifetimes Until one deliriously hot day  in the Argentine fire and blaze, She realised life was much sweeter  When her heart opened and she Received l oving grace.  She promised herself she'd commit To walking with more ease and  She'd work hard at just being herself. No more pushing and controlling, Just allowing the universe to do its thing.  She'd do her work and then she'd let go,...

I felt like melted wax, Shapeless and on the ground.  Not standing tall or proudly bright,  Rather ashamed of the collapse of my mind; Wanting to push people away and shut down.  Everyone had an opinion, easier to speak than to feel. Meant to shine but felt like in the dark; Things were taking longer and I didn't feel strong enough Victim mentality showing up and I wanted to rip it apart But it was a bit comforting and my ego mind was shushing me goodnight .  In patient time, awareness built strength and I started noticing that my intuition  was speaking loudly but I was refusing to listen.  I had to let go of the assumed and expected reality and fully open  To what actually was.  The more I flowed with life, the more I noticed I was allowing life to be. I released control, a bit more each day;  Far from easy but it was the only option to stay centered and aligned. How naive of me to think I could control the pace of the new dreams! Only pati...

Softness and lightness had left her,  The world had turned uncertain and grief followed her around. The heaviness on her chest felt like rocks  Pressing her down and she oftentimes Could not breathe alive.  Despair was real but only if she let ego win; She couldn't shake this feeling of failure even though She knew she was brave enough to fly to a different land.  She was just tired of the uncertainty of her life  But she realised maybe that was what she'd come here to learn: To flow more with life, to stop trying to control everything And to fully breathe in and exhale it all out. 

The burning tears started falling like shooting stars When the pounding in my chest became louder and wild; I knew I'd be okay but the release was necessary-  In my mind at the time it was life or death. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't peacefully be. Choosing a new path,  I knew I'd have to be patient, Perhaps I naively believed though that it'd take  Less than a month.  All around I kept seeing glimpses of love And I kept holding onto the dreams I envisioned  For this particular human life. But manifesting dreams sometimes took time, All I had to do was was keep aligning with it,  Working hard  And surrendering to the precious unfolding of my Unique human life. 

  Darkness fell and I, once again, drowned,  Sinking deeper and deeper,  No light in sight.  Once again down here, breath leaving me behind; It got tiring, waiting for the answers To find me. I knew I'd be born to shine and yet  I carried nothing but darkness and past lives. Tired soul, tired heart,  Fantasising about giving up and leaving  The weight behind in the past.  But time and time again Something pure reminded me It was all worth it and there Was an abundance of love.  Love and magic were worth living for,  Lessons worth walking my human life for. 

Letting go of what I thought it would be,  I started healing my disappointed heart  One healthy and loaded exhale at a time.  The seasons changed and I devotedly  Continued to inhale and exhale what I  Thought life would be;  No longer as frustrated, no longer expecting  Things to go the way my hopeful brain thought they'd be.  I realised life was really determined to teach me patience And choose my thoughts healthily. Resistance I felt and many a time I exploded in a rage  But I'd always return to my centre and process the venom Cursing through my veins with the patience   A mountain has to move closer to heaven. I kept trying to reframe my thoughts and the toxic words By written down, I had to empty my mind and have space to process and breathe fully, humanly, imperfectly alive. 

 She fell lost and wounded, Dreams had transmuted into a disappointing reality.   She felt like a failure and wanted to vanish into nothingness; Surely joining the ether would be lighter than  Doing things that led her nowhere She'd slowly leave, she'd slowly disappear  until one day there'd be nothing left.  Tempting, alluring.  She thought she'd given it all  But one pink evening reminded her that  Beautiful, expansive and aligned dreams sometimes  Took time. 

 I felt empty and numb,  My mind overloaded with darkness, no light in sight.  Reality was heavy and felt like checking out,  My soul kept crying and was exhausted from  Giving, trying, and showing up.  Was it worth it?  Regrets flooded my mind once in a while And I felt tempted to sleep for a whole month.  I was tired, drained and a hopeless grain of sand.  In the vastness of life,  I oftentimes felt I was not made for this world  And my soul craved to go back. But there was a reason I'd chosen to experience This unique human life and, although I did not quite know why,  I had to trust that my existence was special and needed for my soul to expand.  What did my soul crave?  What was I meant to learn?  I could only uncover these truths if I was brave enough To live my human life open to all the lessons and blessings around. 

                                       Existing became heavy and I wanted to give up. It felt like life required me to be patient  And keep persevering but my batteries were running out; I was tired of moving forward without knowing where I'd land. Life had become overwhelmingly uncertain and the leap I'd taken  Had propelled me nowhere near where I thought I'd land.  My eyelids, my heart, my soul were tired and had lost their spark, The light inside me was losing its brightness with each day passing by.  Drowning every day, determined to see the good but I could only glimpse from afar; So down, down, down the hole of my existing darkness that the palpitations  Reminded me each day my heart wanted to stop beating for a while... Wanting to fall asleep not to think or ponder on how disappointed I was,  Wanting to dream of being light and free, faithfully aligne...