Poem: My Human Life

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                                      Existing became heavy and I wanted to give up.

It felt like life required me to be patient 

And keep persevering but my batteries were running out;

I was tired of moving forward without knowing where I'd land.

Life had become overwhelmingly uncertain and the leap I'd taken 

Had propelled me nowhere near where I thought I'd land. 

My eyelids, my heart, my soul were tired and had lost their spark,

The light inside me was losing its brightness with each day passing by. 

Drowning every day, determined to see the good but I could only glimpse from afar;

So down, down, down the hole of my existing darkness that the palpitations 

Reminded me each day my heart wanted to stop beating for a while...

Wanting to fall asleep not to think or ponder on how disappointed I was, 

Wanting to dream of being light and free, faithfully aligned and happy. 

Life kept teaching me to be the one thing I was tired of being: patient. 

Stagnation had become the norm, hopeless and frustrated. 

Easier to cry, to moan, to get angry than to keep trying. 

And yet:

I knew no one had promised me the journey to be smooth,

Everyone kept reminding me good things took time,

Life kept unfolding in a myriad happy ways 

Like the birth of my friend's child, 

My youngest brother announcing he'd become a dad,

My baby niece's contagious smile,

My love's supportive hugs,  

A robin staring at me as I cried,

The magnolias blooming everywhere,

Early spring's sunshine and shy warmth. 

I knew I could grow through what I went through 

Or shut down and fall down again. 

Easier to say 'No, thank you. I'm out', 

Easier to ignore what people kept telling me 

About my dreams, my light, my perseverance 

And just numb out and retreat into my overthinking mind. 

But I had a choice and I hoped my ego mind and my hurting soul 

Would not listen to the awakening demons from my past. 

I had to keep reminding myself that I was enough, 

That I was strong enough to keep navigating this chapter 

That would come to an end in the blink of my soul's eye;

That even though I felt I was running out of time, 

Life was long and I'd create my dream reality in sweet patient time. 

I had to keep working hard and surrender to just being

fully present and gratefully alive. 

No other choice but to fully live my human life. 



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