Mindfully Blooming

Run fast. Run slow. Pause,  Stop.  Run away,  Far away,  Soar high And vanish in the sky.  No fear,  No more pain,  No more drowning,  Only fresh pure air.  Can't do this anymore,  A weak soul is all I've got. 

With brave wings she flies. Neither the relentless rain nor the ominous clouds  Can threaten her soul enough For her to give up her unique, precious life. Alluringly at points, the dark calls her name,  Enticing her to focus on the obstacles and all the heavy weights. Yet the light keeps hold of her and so do the angels gone before her time;  They all whisper in her ear, ' Beautiful soul, do not give up .' Conflicted between the two, she's lost many a time. It can be very hard not to know the path.  Helplessly crying,  She sometimes remembers the why's,  The reasons it will always be better To bravely open the heart,  To keep flying towards the light,  And never ever give this unique, precious life up. 

  Ever forward With light and dark,  With my head held high  And my heart bursting with love.  Ever forward Understanding that I was never weak,  I was just human enough. The tears I cried,  The panic attacks, The lacking air in my lungs Were expressions of the pain I could no longer carry inside.  Emotionally and mentally drained,  My body could not carry on far, There were signs I chose to ignore For longer than a while. Not to be a burden, Not to let anybody down I soldiered on  And I paid the price.  My health, my soul, my heart Were crying for me to stop.  Eventually I listened,  Eventually I had to disarm.

  They were worried and so was I Not knowing when   I'd smile alive.  From tear to sadder tear I navigated the nights,  Dark thoughts would scaringly visit me  From time to terrifying time. Today is a better day Even though yesterday Was a dark shade of gray. I can see the clouds drifting past, The sun shining bright,  The birds singing alive,  The neighbours' cat curiously staring me in the eye. Yes, I am alive. No, I won't give up. 

May 2020 Who Are We? A speck of dust in the universe's garden. A grain of sand in creation's seas. A leave in a forest. A drop in an ocean. A star in a galaxy. We are Nothing and everything, Something and nothing. Perspective matters. To an ant, we are a giant. To a blue whale, we are an ant.  Nothing in life just is ,  Everything in life is as it is perceived. 

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.  Arthur Somers Roche  Journal entry: 28th June, 2020 It had been a good day. I had had a moment in front of the mirror just saying how many things I was grateful for and now I feel like this; there is a feeling of emptiness and loneliness. I feel sensitive and want to cry. What is happening? I felt so peaceful and now I am on the verge... There is a pit in my stomach and I want to jump; mesmerised by the light of the candle, I want to dance and vanish, become extinguished like it will not long from now, time's ticking for that flame. He asked me how my evening was and I haven't answered yet because I don't know what to say. I am in pain. I am okay. I want to cry. I want to dance away. I want to vanish in the forever horizon and fade away. So much to do, so little time, never enough in all my lives...Do I want to exist or evaporate? What ...

All things have their time. All things have their answers. All things have their right to be. Accepting this reality, all things come into harmony.  Brahma Kumaris The moment I read this, I thought 'yes!' How not to smile when encountering such reassurance and having the opportunity to let go, even if just a bit? Once I remembered something that had been dormant in me, I felt completely liberated and free to trust the universe. A weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could embrace life as it was. My older self now knows that every experience I encounter is meant for me to learn whatever I have to learn at that point in time. If I elude that, if I decide that I do not want to face that lesson, then the universe will kindly present me with growth again, the lesson to be learn will keep manifesting in my life until I welcome it and evolve.  Time and time again, the universe has kept sending me tests in views of my unconscious unwillingness to truly learn that love is al...