Mindfully Blooming

When the last leaf dropped  I could finally let go,  It'd been a heavy journey  And I could now finally breathe. Assumptions, expectations, past identities,  They all left me the instant I  realised I was more than all the once cosy Layers I'd put on. Out of  Fear of being cold or just because  They looked warm, I held on to These unnecessary garments even when Summer was in full swing and hot. But on a random November afternoon,  With icy wind and under the g lare of the clouds, I felt it  was time to put it all down.  The yellow leaf dropped,  The towering tree bare now stood  But it only meant one thing: A new beginning in the fresh Autumn air. 

I had seen the sky before it was  And I knew it would all burn down to the ground;  The sky would turn pink but it'd melt red that night.  I'd hear screaming but I wouldn't be able to see; The smoke would paralyse me, then make me flee. I knew that I'd save many but not that night,  I had to save myself and ignore the voices in my mind. In time I realised the whispers were coming from up there though, No one else around; The bonfire I'd created would consume and burn down  Without my tired soul this time.  The shadows I'd created would no longer Follow me stubbornly around, I'd drop them dead as the flames danced around; They'd be buried with my past life  And a new phoenix would rise up to freely fly. 

Tight chest, knot in my throat,  Tiptoeing around our future I drove as you speechlessly froze.   The breathtaking autumn colours consoled me, I knew the trees were shedding their heaviness And, as I spoke, so was I.  The tears, I released as I quietly sobbed In the bath under the lunar eclipse, Covering my mouth so you  Wouldn't hear my pain; I felt the sharp shards penetrate my chest Under the night sky's gaze.  A whole new day and yet no single word.  A whole herd of elephants stood in the middle  Of the cold kitchen as we made lunch.  The unspoken words were like daggers Constantly twisting in my insides,  I couldn't really look you in the eye And kept having to bite my tongue.  I ancestrally ached, wondered if I was  Carrying part of my ancestors' unshed tears And maybe even your pain as well.  But Hope never left my side because I saw your love, your gentleness,  Your kindness; I saw your love was Bigger than words c...

  To live is to openly embrace all the experiences With a curious eye, mind and heart; To breathe the sweet air of the rose, jasmine and honeysuckle In the abundant green; To welcome sweet blessings and bitter but crucial lessons;  To know when it is time to welcome love and also to let go.  To wake up in the morning with an open heart, To savour the seasons of our lives; To hug your partner a thousand and more infinite times; To hold, to release, to embrace, to let go.    To be, to inhale, to pause, to exhale.  And to keep doing that until  Your soul fully, orgasmically expands. 

 I closed my eyes and I could eventually see, It'd all been a dream running away from me. I knew I'd rise again, I knew I could face the pain But it broke my heart and I just couldn't breathe.  It took some time to open my eyes, The light was blinding and I'd forgotten how to blink Or see colours alive but, in patient time, I allowed myself to let colours flood me, I allowed myself To breathe the sweet air in and just be. It all made sense in time: I was here to grow and expand however  Excruciatingly painful the ride.  I also knew that life was a blessing  And I only needed to keep an open, grateful heart. 

  Nature showed me how easy it was to be  When all was heavy in and around me;  It elegantly shone light on the droplets on  The green and purple leaves and  It subtly hinted that rain was a blessing As was the soil, flowers and bees.  Nature never shouted on my face yet  It had the longest and most powerful impact Which I'd never be without or not need. Nature so effortlessly reminded with each  New, golden sunrise that it didn't matter  Whether the sun was showing itself in full  Blinding glory or whether it was hiding behind  The upstaging clouds, that the sun was there  Always ready to warm us up and make us feel alive.  Nature also reminded me with the gentleness of  A mother breastfeeding her baby that the moon,  The ubiquitous and ethereal satellite, always dazzled  Everyone who knew to look up at the mesmerising night sky And  unapologetically  showed all her sides and marks; She never shie...

I've come far, farthest than my ancestors,  I've taken leaps and bounced back up; I've learnt and I've thrived, I've succeeded and celebrated  The faith in the journey and the strength to keep going  While cheering my own heart and rejoicing in blissful light. And  I've lost myself, I've crashed hard,  I've spiralled out and seen only dark and black I've numbed out, I've frozen hard,  I've fantasised with sharp blades I've felt anxious and panicked and  Afraid beyond what I thought could be possible In my human life.  Why? Why do I soar so high but then crash so hard, filling myself with bruises beyond what the eye can perceive?  Why do I feel so empowered and proud of myself to then  Feel powerless, lost and anxious? Because   We are beautifully complex human beings who are on a journey,  A uniquely intrinsic journey that is forever unfolding and Which we are always exploring, discovering   And learning from; A journ...