Mindfully Blooming

If the pain hadn't been that searingly deep, If you hadn't broken my heart I'd still be breathing,  Breathing fully alive. The darkness that exploded in the void of my heart Filled my whole self with ashes and dying dust; The fire had burnt every hope down. Tears rushed down my cheeks Covering the vastness of my splintered heart.  Nothing would stop the flood,  The uttered words had broken the dam; Shaking for hours, lost in my numb mind, Trying to comprehend that I'd never be one to walk in white.  The  I love you  that followed was not comforting enough, My shattered soul cried for what the future of us would've been like; In another life, you would've hugged me and knowingly smiled.  For a long time now, questions have inhabited my mind:  Will you ever leave your fears behind? Will you ever drop them in the past?  Or am I burying myself deeper and deeper in an illusion  That'll be the death of all I dream of for us?   S...

  The tears I cry are not wasted time,  They help me release;  More easily, I can breathe.  Heavy heart, pounding chest But I know I'm not alone,  I've got my healing breath.  Inhale, pause, exhale; Ground yourself in the knowing  That you're alive in the now Through your anchoring breath And your beating heart. 

  With the certainty that I love you, Let me go gently in the night; I'll tearily look back  But you'll be dreaming of a thousand stars. My heart will tear in a million rags But I'll leave knowing that I did  More than enough. The laughter we shared, the inside jokes,  The passionate kisses under the moonlit floor Will be treasured by us forever more.  You'll always be the hello than changed My life that ochre November in daylight; The walk by the river under the falling leaves, I'll treasure as the day we locked each other in.  I'll go understanding we were stars that collided  In the dazzling ether of the universe's time; Guided by a purpose to learn and together grow sublime. We'll part ways knowing our souls evolved In the most majestic dance that our hearts  Would ever know. 

  At the top of the hill she firmly stood, Gazing over the valley, She deeply understood That her dreams had been guided  By a force bigger than her; She smiled knowingly at the meaningful steps.  She knew well not to ignore her inner voice, She'd done it before and would no longer do so;  She would never again silence her intuition.  With the knowledge she was one of the fallen stars,  She'd look high up for the guidance of the lights.  She'd keep connecting, reaching deep down, She'd made a commitment to her wise heart: She wouldn't let her dreams collapse,  She'd committedly work and elevate them high, Her inner knowing supporting her soul's plans,  She humbly smiled, she'd finally arrived. 

  My shadow side  Comes out to play When I least expect it, When the evening is jet black And there's only rain. Not recognising the dark thoughts, Sometimes I freeze in kaleidoscopic awe, Where is this all coming from?  Vast void of darkness inside,  Sometimes I feel I'm losing my mind But then I remember I'm human enough,  Enough to let shadows and light coexist In the canvas of my flesh and blood.  Why judge? Too harsh for an astronomical time,  Only loving and appreciating myself now;  Letting shame release the crown,  Holding kindness' hand lovingly tight.  

Nothing seems to be standing in the way  Yet it all feels so distantly far away. Frozen in place, Dreams in my head, Counting the shy stars That shoot across the dark sky.  I do not despair, I know it all ebbs and flows. However, how many more times Do I need to surrender to it all? If my soul is clear,  I can see ahead, I can believe and create  Wonderful things for myself. Sacred creation is available to me; Through trust and committed work, I can envision and manifest.  Rewarding it'll be  If I believe in my dreams; Worlds of wonder and awe  I'll  create that'll align with my soul. 

Just like that you mesmerised  My dazzled heart  And, though the struggles were real,  I would've never given you up.  You brought sunshine to My sometimes dark world,  You saw a darkness no soul had witnessed before,  But you didn't run away, you lovingly  Held my fragile frame  When tears would not cease,  And the breath couldn't be found; You didn't leave my side When I was breaking inside.  Maybe words weren't uttered but I knew you were there, You gave me the reassurance I needed  When my sky was nothing but dark gray.  You brought joy and laughter,  You helped me see that I'd always   had the magic and strength within me.

  In the middle of it all She found herself, she found her soul. Blinded by the whirlwind of the past She could not understand how she'd missed the light.  Determined to let go of the darkness  She grounded herself in her truth,  She'd venture outside the limits of the known She'd jump hurdles and she'd deeply explore.  She'd commit to her dharma,  Her journey unfolding with the first aligned step; She'd manifest the life she was meant to live,  The life she was meant to embody in her glorious self. It wouldn't be easy or effortless,  she'd have to committedly keep reconnecting to her 'why' But she knew it was all worth it; She was being guided by the stars. 

Tinkling in the sky,  She saw them shining bright, Shooting across the constellations That wrapped all humankind.  She knowingly beamed as she looked up, She felt the cloak of the night sky Comforting her and protecting her all around; Nothing could take that peace away, No one would take her light from her. With the weeping willows swaying And the crickets singing their sweet, familiar song, She'd keep trusting in the universe And her own, grounded voice. With the beginning of the end of her self doubt, She started to feel alive and Glowing bright she decided to embrace who she was.  Naysayers planted poisonous seeds in her mind But none of those sprouted, Only the pure ones she'd nurtured alive; She gave those flowers to the brave, wild and free, To the ones who were chasing and building their dreams.  Because the world needed the dreamers, The makers of the universe who were Returning to set the pure souls free. 

  Let the tears come, hold nothing inside,  Releasing, cleaning, cleansing,  The waterfall brings light in time.  Deep hole, pressing pain, At point overwhelmingly tight But do not despair, tears are precious  Droplets of a wise, lived heaven on Earth.  Show kindness to your heart,  It'll keep guiding you far;  Allow emotions to come, they'll all  Show you a different tint and shade Of your unique, rich life.  It's okay to fall down and tear up,  Don't let anyone tell you it's a weakness,  They know not how healing tears are.  You are the brave one, the one showing up To have a dialogue with sadness in the dark.  Sit in the discomfort, I promise it'll get easier to  Navigate the dark; you'll remind yourself to breathe And to take one moment at a time.  You'll look pain in the eye and you'll greet that familiar friend, You'll recognise bruises  That took place in the shadows of yesterdays.  But you ...

  My intuition is right, My gut feeling becoming loud. Impossible not to hear, not to know, not to feel, When the inkling is there, there's only one direction  That is revealed. The flapping wings of a thousand butterflies Hit the boundaries of my aligned lower mind; They know right away I am being guided by the wisdom of my inner self.  Trust I must For that way I'll align with my north star. It is easy to ignore  but delightfully fulfilling to  explore  what my heart and ancient soul know to be true. 

  Witness to my growth, I stared in awe; At points mesmerised by  The seemingly tiny steps That brought expansion to my soul.  At points not trusting myself But deep down knowing I was strong enough to shine  And expand with my whole self.  Broken down, beaten up; My willingness to grow  Kept taking me far and beyond; Bracing the wild waves of the ocean of my mind, I stood firmly in the power of my eager heart. Discouraged at points but not giving up, Forever deep down I knew I was meant to gloriously shine.

  It is in the stillness of The night gone by, In the groundedness That the early birds bring, In the changing colours Of the early morning sky That I find myself with peace in my heart; In the church bells greeting us all, In the cawing of birds, In the shy sunshine coming Through the window, In the crackling fire of The match I'm holding And the candle I'm lighting, In the drinking of mate That brings me back to my roots. 

  I belong to myself First and foremost, Grounded in who I am, Never g iving up On the expansion of my soul.  I've gone through dark tunnels And the abyss of the unknown But I've always had my  Anchoring breath guiding me Through it all.