Poem: Walk in White

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If the pain hadn't been that searingly deep,
If you hadn't broken my heart
I'd still be breathing, 
Breathing fully alive.
The darkness that exploded in the void of my heart
Filled my whole self with ashes and dying dust;
The fire had burnt every hope down.

Tears rushed down my cheeks
Covering the vastness of my splintered heart. 
Nothing would stop the flood, 
The uttered words had broken the dam;
Shaking for hours, lost in my numb mind,
Trying to comprehend that I'd never be one to walk in white. 
The I love you that followed was not comforting enough,
My shattered soul cried for what the future of us would've been like;
In another life, you would've hugged me and knowingly smiled. 

For a long time now, questions have inhabited my mind: 
Will you ever leave your fears behind?
Will you ever drop them in the past? 
Or am I burying myself deeper and deeper in an illusion 
That'll be the death of all I dream of for us?  
So deeply wanting to be forever by your side
But the wound is so hauntingly deep,
How could I breathe fully alive without
The certainty we're in it committed for life?

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