Raw Anxiety Poem: My Demons with Myself

I am used to sharing my demons with myself, 

To not let them trouble anybody else; 

I'm used to restraining them from jumping on people around

And used to chatting to them at night. 

I am used to hiding them behind the ‘I’m okay’

Not to ‘inconvenience’ people

Or make them run away. 

I know it’s not healthy, I know it's not great

So for a long time I’ve deliberately worked

On letting them see the light of day,

No longer hiding them behind the ‘All is well.’ 

It is hard work to deal with them,

To negotiate, to give and take;

To dance, to talk, to play with them. 

Sometimes they’ll hide themselves

For months on end, 

I’ll breathe easily and forget our affairs. 

Eventually though,
They’ll come out and tear my head,

They’ll unapologetically jump all around,
scream away

And state it’s that time again.

They’ll never mean to hurt me though 

But will always be that way

Until I learn my lesson

And ask for help.

...

I’ve now learnt to ask for help,

To cry when needed

And when my soul is in pain. 

it’s hard at times 

But there is no shame, 

I’ve learnt to let go of the self-inflicted stares. 

It’s become easier now to ask for help,

Or maybe it’s the growing pain on my chest, 
It has become harder to deal with by myself. 

I’ve realised -once again- it’s easier to cry with those who care:

All sorts of angels will shower me with love,

However far or nearby. 

There is no shame in asking for help,

There is no shame in not being ok;

You can learn a lot by being there

And later on help somebody else.

You will cry,

You will hyperventilate,

You will have pounding headaches

And wish to fade away.

You can always ask for help though

And people will be there,

Sometimes the ones you expect the least

Will give you flowers and comfort you

In a very dark day. 

So don’t keep the demons to yourself,

Share them with people you trust enough to open up

And those devilish creatures

Won’t tear your head again. 
Yes, you will still cry at times 
But your burden will be lighter, 
the demons will become smaller
and you will shine brighter.