Reflection on turning 32 and what I have learnt from life so far!

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(Written July 2019)

 With the month of July having started today and my birthday fast-approaching I decided to write a reflection on what I have learnt so far and how I see myself at this point in my life.
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Less than a week away now and I find myself in front of the screen decided to write down how I feel about celebrating another year of growth and wisdom, yes, wisdom. We can be so hard on ourselves and think that we are not wise enough in our thirties but I do feel I've learnt so much and grown exponentially as a result of a range of experiences and the rollercoaster that life can be (and that my life has indeed been.) I am deeply grateful for all these experiences, the ones that made me warmly smile with gratitude and the ones that made me cry in pain and despair; every single one has made me the person I am today and would never change anything as that is my life, my journey, my experience in this lifetime. 

If I briefly look back, ten years ago, for example, I was about to turn 22 and I can recall how naive and 'inexperienced' I now see I was before the life that I had led until that point; I'd never left the country, or experienced any extremely heart-breaking moment; I was living in my hometown, studying, dating my long-term boyfriend at the time and thinking of a rather traditional future. Now, there's nothing wrong with traditional, back then I didn't think I was missing out on anything and I do believe that everything happens for a reason; there is definitely a divine timing but, I can now say, with the upmost certainty and conviction, that I have experienced so much and expanded my views of the world and life because I made that one decision back then to leave my country to embrace the experience of being an au pair; certainly, a before and after lifestyle and perception of the world as I knew it. 

Even though at points I may not see it, I do know that I've experienced so much and done things I never dreamt of doing: I've travelled, I’ve met people from different parts of the world, I've marvelled at different sights and landscapes, I've tasted endless new dishes; I've laughed and I've cried, I've giggled and I've felt lost but, above all, I've got to know myself and learnt to be at peace with myself; I've learnt to love and accept myself JUST AS I AM which is a huge lesson as for a long time I struggled with fully, deeply, crazily loving and accepting myself just as I am. For years I navigated endless insecurities, fears and faced demons because I felt different and could not see the beauty, uniqueness and magic of who I was and am. It has most certainly been a process but I can say with conviction now that I am enough and that I love myself unconditionally; even though in some occasions I may still briefly struggle with certain aspects of my being; I do know that I have myself above all, that I am a unique being who is worthy of love and belonging as one of my favourite authors- BrenĂ© Brown- would say.
As another inspiring and uplifting author- Maya Angelou- once say, ‘You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great…’ Wow. The reward is great, how could it not be? When we learn that we belong to ourselves, our perception of the world as we know it changes and the colours start flooding in; when we comprehend that nobody has power over us, in any way, when we embrace the fact that we can always choose again and belong to our own convictions and truths, then we feel as free as a feather being caressed by the wind, dancing in the air.
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At fresh 32, I leave all the societal expectations aside: the expectations of what our thirties should look like, whatever that traditional model dictates. Never would I have thought that at 31 I’d be living on my own, that I’d still be in the UK, that I’d be almost finishing my second year of my full-time teaching job, as an English teacher! Never would I had thought that a few months ago I would start dating after joining an online dating app and that I’d go on different dates and meet some nice guys...I have learnt to challenge myself and step outside my comfort zone because that is how I have grown the most.
I can wholeheartedly say that I've lived and learnt, laughed and cried, won and loss, gone up and down, in and out; I have no regrets as I have been taught valuable lessons. Life is about living our life as fully as we possibly can and learning as deeply and as much as we can... I think I am doing well.




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